


A Different Path (What If?)

by WildTamer



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Evil, Attempted Murder, Based on a Tumblr Post, Blood, Blood and Violence, Ducky Momo - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Infiltration, Inspired by Fanfiction, Major Original Character(s), Mariah The Margay - Freeform, Mentions of car crashes, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mystery is bad at decision making, Mystery is bad at decision making pt. 2, OC, OWCA Agents - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Violence, attempted child murder, breaking in - Freeform, burn scars, burn victim, car crash, especially the first chapter, mentions of child abandonment, mentions of child abuse, warning: this fic is dark, what if au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildTamer/pseuds/WildTamer
Summary: June 15th, 2002. The Day Of Death.The day Candace Flynn's life got turned upside down.And the day that A Different Path was chosen for all.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 22





	1. The Day Of Death

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for suggesting i write this fic! this au belongs to me
> 
> ahead of time TW for Car Crashes, Character Death, Orphaning, and Burns

June 15th, 2002

It was a bright morning in Danville, not a cloud in the sky, and little Candace Flynn was in the car with her mother and stepfather, on the way to see the recently released Ducky Momo movie. She could hardly keep still from excitement.

“Oh i can’t wait to see this movie!” Lawrence, her father, exclaimed in his usual british accent, as optimistic and enthusiastic as ever. Candace had always looked up to him for those reasons, she liked his near constant cheer.

“Aren’t you a bit old for a ducky momo movie, dad?” Candace asked curiously, Lawrence chuckled, glancing back at her in the rear view mirror. “Yes, yes i am. But you’re not!” 

Linda, her mother, rolled her eyes fondly, a smile tugging at her lips “well we’re almost there, so neither of you will have to wait long.” Candace cheered, hugging her ducky momo plushie close to her chest and adjusting her ducky momo baseball cap

“What a beautiful day it is, wouldn’t you say, dear?” Lawrence asked his wife, whom he married this very day exactly one year ago, “yes it is, dear” Linda responded, watching the people walk by with their strange and interesting pets of all shapes and sizes, she recognised a few of the owners as her friends.

“A beautiful sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, why this reminds me of when i was a lad, out fishing on the lakes of britain. You can’t get a more perfect day than this.” Lawrence reminisced, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other resting beside the open window of the car.

Candace got a strange feeling, like a cloud of dread suddenly appeared in the clear blue sky. She looked out the window and saw a single grey cloud slowly rolling in the direction of their house, she felt her stomach drop suddenly.

Something was going to go very, very wrong.

As the car crossed an intersection, an old black car sped down the upper section on their left, barrelling towards them seemingly uncontrollably. Candace turned her head to look at the car moments before it smashed into the side of the vehicle, flipping the car onto its hood and shattering the windows. 

What happened next, Candace can’t recall clearly. All she remembers is seeing her parents unconscious in the front seats, and the car going up in flames as she struggled to undo the seatbelt trapping her in the flaming wreckage.

There was yelling and panic from the surrounding witnesses, and the fire department swiftly arrived, pulling all three of them- and the driver of the other car- to safety. But Candace couldn’t understand anything that was happening, her vision blurry with tears, and a screaming pain went through her entire left side and lingered there. 

She saw the blurry remains of the flaming car, and everything went black.

Many days later, Candace stood sobbing in front of her parent’s graves, her little brothers clinging to her sides, teary-eyed. Phineas was too young to really understand what happened, but he still cried, as he hated seeing his big sister upset. Ferb, however, stood silently beside them, one hand on Candace’s shirt, the other loosely holding the half-burnt Ducky Momo plushie Candace loved so dearly. Even at 4, he understood the situation, and mourned in total silence. 

The Graveyard felt bitter and cold that evening, and the children stayed there for several more hours, not moving even when the sun set and the city went dark. 

It felt like the whole world was against them.


	2. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News Report: “Three young children orphaned after major car crash in downtown Danville”
> 
> Heinz Doofenshmirtz never expected to go from 1 child to 4, but yet, as he looked at the newspaper headline, he thought it may not be that bad of an idea.  
> He just hopes they'll get along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for encouraging me to write this fic! 
> 
> TWs for mentions of child neglect and abuse, child abandoment, and car crashes (all briefly mentioned)
> 
> This is NOT a perryshmirtz fic, please do not treat it as such. in this AU, perry is like heinz' son, and is legally his pet. (this is a platypus perry fic too)

June 22nd, 2002

Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz sat reading the daily newspaper on the balcony of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, sipping his tea and ignoring the news story about his brother saving yet another kitten from a tree. He hated his brother, the goody-two-shoes got everything he wanted as a child while Heinz had to be their parent’s lawn gnome, and live with ocelots for years.

A chitter snapped him out of his internal monolouge, and he looked over his newspaper to see his pet platypus, Perry

“Oh, sorry Perry, you know how it is with my brother.” Heinz apologised, putting down his teacup to wave his prosthetic hand around vaguely, as if dismissing the thought.

Another unimpressed chitter from perry, and Heinz sighed, shoving his newspaper on the table.

“I know, i know, i shouldn’t let his success ruin my _evil_. But _still_ , it’s _annoying_ seeing him in the papers constantly. I mean, can’t a guy have a _break_? How am i supposed to focus on taking over the tri-state _area_ when my brother’s _popularity_ is constantly being shoved in my face!?”

Perry rolled his eyes and set down his own teacup and newspaper, reaching for his notepad on the table and taking a minute to scribble down some writing

**_Maybe u should focus on other things, Vanessa’s over this week._ **

Heinz looked at the neat writing on the paper, and glanced over to the balcony doors, then back at perry, and sighs, nodding. “Fine, i’ll take this week off, absolutely _no_ evil, i _promise._ ” he put a hand over his heart in promise, then sits back in his chair and relaxes a bit more, picking his newspaper back up.

His eyebrows raised in surprise as he read one particular headline: “Three young children orphaned after major car crash in downtown Danville”

Externally, he was silent, an expression of soft sympathy crossing his face, but internally his heart ached for those kids. He remembers the days he grew up without human parents, the days his parents would completely ignore him when they _did_ eventually take his back home, the harsh cold of winter in the forests, all of it came flooding back as he kept his eyes focused on that one single headline.

He quickly scanned the story for any important information; the children were a 10 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and a 3 year old boy, according to the article, and were currently staying at a family friend’s house near their old home. Poor kids, lost their parents so painfully young, Heinz doubted the 3 year old will even remember his parents as he grows up. 

A few minutes of silence pass as Heinz reads the article and thinks to himself, and eventually speaks

“Hey perry, do we have room for three more kids?”

Perry looks up from his notepad silently, raising an eyebrow, then looks at the article on his own newspaper, his eyebrows furrowing together in silent concern before he looks up at Heinz and nods

“Perfect,” Heinz skims over the article for a number to call, then finds it and picks up his phone “I’ll do this, and you go cook dinner” Perry nods and hops out of the chair, opening the balcony door before disappearing inside.


	3. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An excited Heinz brings his new children home to meet his daughter and nemesis.  
> Everything was going far better than he had expected it to go, and everything seemed fine.
> 
> Heinz silently hoped it stays that way.
> 
> Perry has the awful feeling it won't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> TW for a very brief mention of car crashes

October 23rd, 2002

After what felt like years of paperwork and waiting, even though it had only been 4 months, it was finally time for Heinz to bring his new children home. 

After picking them up from the family friend’s house, who’s name was apparently Vivian, Heinz decided not to drive them home, as they were dealing with trauma from a car crash, so he walked them the entire way from danville’s green suburbs to the purple building of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorperated, where Perry and Vanessa were waiting for him in the penthouse apartment.

Phineas, the youngest of the trio, looked up at the building with big, blue curious eyes, holding onto Heinz’ labcoat collar as he was being held. The red-head looked at his sister and smiled, Candace tightened her grip on both heinz’ and Ferb’s hands as she looked nervously at the tall building, but still looked at her little brother and gave a slightly forced smile.  
  


“Well, welcome to your new home, kids” Heinz told them as he lead them into the elevator, Candace turned her back to the mirror, and Heinz resisted the urge to mention it, knowing the young girl was self conscious of her new burn scars.

When the elevator finally reached the top level, Heinz struggled to unlock his front door one-handed it, but managed after handing Phineas to his sister.

“Make yourself at home- well, this _is_ your home now, so of course you should make yourself at _home_ but- ah forget it” Heinz stumbled over his words and closed the door, bringing the children to the couch, where Vanessa was excitedly waiting with Perry, who was curled up on her lap.

Phineas gasps and smiles, reaching a hand for Perry “kitty!” he exclaimed, Vanessa giggled and held perry up under the arms “He’s not a kitten, he’s a platypus!”

Phineas made a confused face before reaching out to pet Perry’s soft fur “pladapus?” he asked, tilting his head a bit.

“Yeah, a platypus! Dad got him last year, he’s really sweet!” Vanessa explained happily, Heinz sat back and watched his children bond, their words blending together into white noise as he relaxed, finally knowing the kids were safe and secure.

While Candace and Phineas talked to Vanessa and pet perry, Ferb stayed next to Heinz, almost unnervingly silent for a 4 year old, and showing very little emotion in his expression. Luckily, Heinz is mostly used to Perry’s similar expressions, so he can read Ferb quite well, and knows the kid is a bit wary of Vanessa, and unsure.

“Hey, Ferb?” Vanessa asked mid-conversation as she noticed her brother’s expression, ferb looked over “We’re gonna be fine, promise.” she smiled softly at him, and ferb nodded back, then shuffled over to her to pet Perry.

“You know, platypi are the only mammals that lay eggs” Heinz stated, Perry chittering in confirmation, and after a few minutes, all the kids relaxed into natural conversation, Candace having to write her words as the crash had rendered her mute, but none of her siblings minded. Everything was going far better than he had expected it to go, and everything seemed fine.

Heinz silently hoped it stays that way.

Perry has the awful feeling it won't.


	4. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After All, What's More Important Than Trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little half-chapter to throw in some more fluffy cuteness, so ya'll get two chapters in one day
> 
> credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus for encouraging me to write this fic!

October 27th, 2002

**_Vanessa?_ **

“Yeah, Candace?” Vanessa looked up from the note slid across the couch to her sister, both of them holding cups of lemonade as they watched Horse In A Bookcase, their brothers playing with Perry on the balcony while their father kept an eye on them

**_Could you do something with me? It’d mean a lot_ **

Vanessa adjusted her sitting to face her sister more, “of course, anything” she said honestly, she really would do anything for her sister, even though she’s only known her for a few days, she feels like she’s known her her entire life.

**_Would you cut your hair with me? I know its a lot to ask, but i want a fresh start, a change, and i think cutting my hair short will help. It can be our trust bond._ **

Vanessa didn’t even need to think about it, “of course i will! That’s a really good idea, candace. I’ll go get dad, he can help us with it!” she sets her cup down and gets up, running to the balcony to tell her father the plan.

An hour later, both girls had short, above the shoulder hair, and Candace had bleached the tip of her hair blonde. It was a good look on her, vanessa thought. She didnt get her hair bleached, as she cant stand the smell of bleach, but she did cut her hair, it was the least she could do for her sister.

After all, what’s more important than trust?


	5. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry's family finally finds out about Perry's secret as an agent, and their reaction is a lot less harsh than what the agent was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to woulddieforperrytheplatypus for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> no TWs this chapter, so no worries! just a slightly longer chapter than usual.

June 1st, 2004

From the first day they lived at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, the kids knew Heinz was Evil, it was literally written on the building.

However, the kids never knew  _ who _ Heinz fought, he kept mentioning an agent that came over and destroyed his daily invention, but they’ve never met him before.

And Perry was all too aware of this.

He had been partially raised by OWCA since the day he hatched, them being his only family before Heinz adopted him three years ago. Due to his upbringing, he’s been molded into the best agent OWCA has had since 1914, and has no intention of quitting anytime soon.

However, the job has its downsides. It pays bad, for one thing, but the con Perry is most concerned about is the fact his family isn’t allowed to know his identity as an agent, otherwise he’ll get relocated for good.

And he can’t afford to lose what he has.

Perry snuck back into the apartment at dinner, hoping the kids didn’t notice his unusually long absence, but before he could remove his hat and drop onto all fours as per usual, Phineas spots him.

There was a painfully long, drawn out silence between the two of them before Perry slowly took off his hat and gave a sheepish smile

Phineas blinked in confusion, then grabbed perry by the wrist and pulled him into the dining room “Dad, why does perry have a hat?” he inquired, Heinz stopped mid-bite and looked down at his son and nemesis, then paled a bit

“Uhh, well you see kid, uh-” Heinz stumbled over his words, trying to say something that wasn’t  _ ‘he’s an agent’ _ , but unfortunately Vanessa didn’t quite get the secrecy of OWCA, and thus blurted out “He’s a secret agent!”

The room fell completely silent, everyone looked at Vanessa, “what? He is.” Then they all turned to look at Perry, who shrugged helplessly with the same sheepish smile, a million thoughts racing through his head, each with varying levels of panic and fear.

“A secret agent? Thats….thats-” Perry braced himself for the rejection “-so cool!” Phineas exclaimed, Perry blinked in confusion and looked over at the 5 year old boy, who was flapping his arms in excitement, or ‘stimming’ as perry once heard vanessa call it.

Heinz sighed in relief and ruffled Phineas’ bright red hair “yeah, it is. He’s my Nemesis, which means he fights me everyday and breaks my inators” he explained to his children, who all nod in understanding. Candace slid a note over to Vanessa, who read it aloud

**_So, Perry’s not just a pet, but a person?_ **

“A person, and technically your brother!” Heinz exclaimed happily, petting Perry’s neat tuft of fluffy teal fur on the top of his head, Phineas gasps dramatically and hugs Perry’s side, lifting him off the ground enough to make Perry cling to him. “I have an even  _ bigger _ brother!” he cheered, cuddling Perry with a surprising amount of strength. Perry will always underestimate the strength of children.

Both Ferb and Candace gave a thumbs up before returning to their food like nothing happened, while Vanessa and Phineas cuddled and played with Perry, who happily played with them, glad to be accepted and allowed to be himself finally. Yet, he knew this couldn’t last, and the voice in the back of his head keeps telling him that Monogram  _ will  _ find out, and he will  _ not  _ be happy about this.

The Next Day...

“Agent P! Carl said that your host family has found out about your job, is that true?” Monogram demanded, face to face with Perry in his office. Perry nodded, glancing between his boss, the door, and the intern, Carl.

Monogram shook his head “Why did you allow for your cover to be so easily broken!?” he asked, keeping his harsh tone, but before Perry could reply, he kept speaking “Your lucky the mind eraser was fixed today, or else you’d be fired.”

Perry inwardly sighed, keeping his stoic expression perfectly steady after years of enduring Monogram’s rants, only then did his mind process what Monogram had said, ‘mind eraser’? Since when did OWCA have a mind eraser!?

Perry’s mind started racing, trying and failing to imagine life without the boys, life without Candace or Vanessa, life with  _ Heinz.  _ As for the possibility of getting fired, well Perry could already feel his hands shaking, but he kept them crossed silently, his thoughts starting to overwhelm him.

Thankfully, before Perry’s thoughts could get too bad, Carl speaks up nervously

“uh s-sir?” Monogram looked over “Agent P d- _ does _ live with his nemesis, it was only a matter of time until he g-got caught. Besides, aren’t villain families a-allowed to know?” he asked unsurely, Monogram glared between the intern and the agent, then sighs

“Yes. they are. But its still putting the agency at a serious risk of being discovered!” The major argued, Carl flinched a bit at his angry tone, but argued back nervously

“W-with all due respect, s-sir, i don’t think anyone’s going to believe a 4 year old a-about a crime fighting organisation of animals. I don’t think  _ anyone _ would believe  _ anyone _ if they were told that.” He explained, clutching his clipboard to his chest. Perry stood infront of Monogram’s desk, feeling like a kid who’s parents are fighting over divorce.

Monogram took a few minutes to understand Carl’s words, then sighs and sits down, defeated “Fine” he looked at Perry “Agent P, you can keep your host family with all their memories, under  _ one _ condition. You make it crystal clear they are not to tell anyone about OWCA. Understood?”

Perry nods stiffly, “good, then your dismissed.” Monogram snaps a salute to Perry first, but perry doesn’t return it.

Monogram keeps his arm up for a few very long, awkward moments before he glances at Carl, unmoving from his salute “Carl. Carl hes not saluting back.” 

Carl gave a small smirk to Perry, and flipped the page of his clipboard “thats his way of insulting you, sir.”

Monogram dropped his arm, looking a bit baffled, but before he could say anything, Perry was already out of the office and heading straight home to spend the day with his family, not having to fake anymore.

Everything was coming up Perry. There’s no way this could go wrong.

Right?


	6. We Wish You A Perry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry celebrates his first christmas as family with the kids
> 
> Nothing could ruin this day, Perry was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to woulddieforperrytheplatypus for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> this half-chapter is pure, pure fluff.

25th December, 2004

“IT’S CHRISTMAS!” Phineas cheered, throwing himself onto Heinz and hitting 5 organs all at once, Heinz made a pained groan as he stirred awake, looking over at Perry, who was standing in the doorway with a coffee, looking rather smug, a santa hat placed on his head.

“Curse you, Perry the platyp-” He was cut off by Ferb, Candace, and Vanessa landing on all his organs like an overly excited pet. He sighed and gave up trying to curse his nemesis.

“And i thought one kid doing that was bad” Heinz remarked, lightly pushing the kids off him so he could actually get up, the kids swarmed around him like a bunch of playful pups until Perry eventually herded them to the table for breakfast.

Heinz smiled fondly and got ready for the christmas morning. No matter how evil he considers himself, he promised Vanessa he’ll never be evil enough to ruin christmas. And he intends on keeping that promise.

“Alright, i’m here” Heinz waved to the kids tiredly as he glanced into the kitchen, Perry was cooking up some eggs and bacon, like he normally does if Heinz wakes up late.

“Dad! Dad!” Phineas tugged excitedly on Heinz’ arm “Can we open the presents yet?” he asked, Heinz swore he could see stars in Phineas’ eyes.

He chuckled “Not yet, Phineas, breakfast first. Sit back down” Phineas whined and puppy-eyed, but Heinz stood his ground and put the energetic 5 year old back in his seat, sitting down too.

After a few minutes, Perry whistled to get his family’s attention, and brought out the food, Ferb and Candace dug in once grabbing their share, but Phineas and Vanessa went between eating and excitedly talking about how amazing the city looked in the winter. Heinz had to agree, the city was beautiful in the snow, especially once the christmas decorations were put up. 

You could never find anything like this in Drusselstein. While christmas was actually pretty good in that old town, there were never many decorations, a few christmas garden gnomes joined him in the front garden at night, but that was about it. Heinz mentally shuddered at that memory, the horrid cold of the night, freezing his skin even through the thick gnome clothes.

A faint memory of the ocelots flickered through his brain, but he pushed it back. He never wants to remember those days. He never wants to go through that again.

Perry snapped his fingers infront of Heinz’ face, pulling him back into the present. “Oh, Did i space out again? Sorry, you know how i am about winter.” He apologised, quickly focusing on eating, and ignoring the faintly concerned look that crossed Perry’s face for a moment.

“Can we open presents now dad? Please?” Phineas begged Heinz after breakfast, who gave in to the young boy’s puppy-dog eyes “Oh alright, go ahead” He smiled fondly and ruffled the redhead’s hair, the kids cheered and ran over to the giant christmas tree placed in the corner of the living room.

The family took turns opening presents as Perry put a long video of crackling fire on the tv, getting dragged into the present sharing by Phineas, who excitedly handed him a box, messily hand-wrapped

Perry took the box and opened it with some trouble, then softly lifted the gift from its container “Candace helped me make it” Phineas explained as Perry looked, awestruck, at his gift. In his hands was an open locket in the shape of his webbed footprint, separate pictures of him and the boys the first year they met were placed on each section of the locket, Perry’s picture placed in the middle.

“Do you like it?” Phineas asked, looking worried as Perry teared up, and jumping a bit when Perry pulled him into a tearful hug. 

Perry pulled his notepad from his santa hat, and shakily wrote a message, starting to smile through his tears 

**_I love it. Thank you so much._ **

His family looked at the note, and smiled, pulling the crying agent into a big family hug. “To Perry’s first christmas as family!” Heinz announced happily, holding his kids close, the kids giggled and repeated their father, making Perry cry even more.

There’s not a single thing in this world that could ruin this day. 

Perry was sure of it.


	7. Termination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry came back from a non-heinz-related mission, covered in soot and quite out of breath, he expected to just spend a few hours doing paperwork, but when he logged into his profile, he saw something sickening.
> 
> Here is the story of why Perry hates OWCA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to woulddieforperrytheplatypus for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> TW for violence, attempted murder, attempted child murder, blood, and animal injury (but no animal death, implied or otherwise)

July 18th, 2006

Perry came back from a non-heinz-related mission, covered in soot and quite out of breath, his entire body aching from the fight against 4 goons at once. He stumbled into his lair below D.E.I and collapsed tiredly onto his chair in front of his giant movie-like monitor, he sighed with a chittering noise and pulled the chair closer to the keyboard.

Then he remembered that he would likely need to do paperwork for arresting the villain he was up against, and likely file a mission report and summarize everything that happened. He laid his head on the desk and silently wished for something to happen so he could avoid it, but he knew there was no escaping endless paperwork, and so he turned on his monitor and clicked into his agent file.

Just as he was about to make a new mission report, he spotted something unusual on his file, a hazard sign flickering on his boys’ family file. Thats strange, did something happen while he was at work?

He puts his phone back on noise, as its usually on silent when he’s on missions, and checks his texts. No recent texts from Heinz.

He clicked into Phineas and Ferb’s file warily, the boys, as of last year, had started making amazing inventions and fun creations near daily in the summer and winter, and working on simple projects in the school months. Recently they had been making some admittedly extreme projects, including 3d printing monkeys and teaching them how to ride a unicycle, Perry still isn’t too sure how they cleaned it up before Charlene, Heinz’ ex-wife, saw it.

However, what Perry saw in the files made his fur stand on end; Each of their inventions had been logged and dated, each with a threat level, ranging from safe green to deadly red.

 _Threat Level?_ Their not even double digits, how could they be a threat to anyone except the laws of reality!?

Perry quickly scrolled to the most recent addition, today’s creation, which was apparently an ice cream machine gone wrong, and a few wrong wires turned it into a death ray. Perry nervously glanced to the glaring red threat level on screen, he checked the notes to make sure nobody got hurt.

**Notes:**

**Death Ray was set off and hit a tree close to the house, but no person or animal was harmed. However, I still believe these boys to be a threat, no matter their age. Villains only make more villains.**

Perry chittered angrily to himself at the notes, his hands shaking as he checked who had been logging the inventions; an older agent Perry was close to, Dennis The Rabbit. He had actually been Perry’s mentor back when he was a pup. 

But, if he was so close to perry, why would he call Phineas and Ferb ‘threats’ and ‘villains’? Their just kids who made a harmless mistake!

He shook his head and took a breath, death rays are no harmless mistake, no matter the result. He’ll have to have a serious talk with the whole family about wiring safety and double checking their work.

As he mentally rehearsed his lecture, he spotted a note added to the main file of the boys, and his thoughts screeched to a terrified halt.

**Set to be ‘silenced’ at 5:00pm sharp, on D.E.I balcony by Agent Dennis The Rabbit**

‘Silenced’? That can’t be good. Perry’s heart raced as he checked the time; 4:58. He still had time. He didn’t bother shutting down his monitor as he ran from his lair and grabbed his jetpack, making a beeline for the balcony before Dennis could get there.

He saw the boys building on balcony, unharmed and safe, and perry _nearly_ relaxed, but he noticed a red-band fedora peeking over the lip of the open roof, and time slowed significantly.

Perry had to choose an option _fast,_ either tackle Dennis and risk hitting the boys, or grab the boys and risking getting hit with it himself. He made up his mind, and silently begged Heinz to forgive him. 

A bright laserbeam of light shot down from the roof, aiming right at the boys, but Perry swooped down and grabbed a sheet of metal, throwing himself infront of Phineas and Ferb to deflect the laser, which bounced back and narrowly missed Dennis’ hat.

“Perry?” Phineas asked, but Perry was too focused, he grabbed the two by the wrist and shoved them inside as Dennis parachuted down from the roof and glared at Perry.

Neither needed to talk in animal tounge to know the other’s intent, both wanted to harm, but wanted to harm very, very different people.

Dennis gave a cocky smile and took his parachute off, letting it fall to the balcony floor as the two agents sized eachother up, standing only 6 feet apart.

The distance was shortly broken as Dennis tackled Perry to the floor, punching him hard across the face as the platypus grabbed him by the neck and flipped them both over so Perry was pinning Dennis. 

It became a raging battle of tooth and claw, blood splattering on their furs as they wrestled on the ground, and Perry nearly caught Dennis with his ankle barbs, but restrained himself enough to throw the smaller agent across the balcony and through the glass windows seperating the balcony from the apartment.

Glass shattered everywhere, catching Perry in the arm as the entire window crumbled to the ground in shards, but Perry didn’t care. He was struggling to stay steady, he knew if he let go of his restraint that he would kill the admittedly weaker agent. His venom could kill a lot of animals, but he knews his family would miss him if he was sent to jail, or worse, the pound.

Still, he ran across the shattered glass, ignoring the pain in his webbed feet, and grabbed Dennis by the front of the scruff, punching him square in the face mid-action jump. Dennis went limp, knocked out cold from the punch.

“Perry the Platypus, what’s going on in here-” Heinz stopped in his tracks as he looked between the two bloody agents, one unconscious and the other wielding a near-murderous glare, and the shattered window behind them. 

Perry simply held up his clawed paws and signed “O-W-C-A”

Heinz pulled a notepad from his labcoat pocket and handed it to Perry “what did OWCA do? And why is an agent on my floor? The boys said you pushed them inside without a hello.” The scientist explained, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously

It took a few minutes, but Perry eventually shoved a series of notes into Heinz’s hands, and walked over to his jetpack on the balcony, which he had abandoned as he grabbed the metal sheet.

**OWCA planned to ‘silence’ the boys with some sort of laser, they didn’t tell me. Dennis was the one to shoot them, but i got in the way and deflected it just in time. The -inator is on the roof. I’ll explain the rest later, right now i have someone to talk to.**

“Someone to talk to? But perry, your inju-” Heinz stopped as he watched Perry fly away anyway, apparently uncaring of his injuries. Heinz was mad, thats for sure, but not just mad at OWCA. He was mad at, and quite disappointed in, himself.

If he had just kept an eye on the boys or brought them inside when he went to check on Candace & Vanessa, Perry wouldn’t have gotten hurt, and Perry wouldn’t be so mad. 

  
  


Perry came to a stop at OWCA HQ’s entrance, and, despite the searing pain in his feet and body, he couldn’t care less. He was _infuriated_ , shaking with such anger he almost saw red. When he finds Monogram, he’s gonna give that monobrowed cheapskate liar a piece of his mind.

The automatic sliding doors of HQ opened as Perry was scanned by the facial recognition software, he stormed inside with a walk that Heinz once described as a “murder walk”, meaning with each minute Perry considers his option, jail seems increasingly preferred.

The other agents _knew_ that walk, and all kept their distance from the top agent as he stormed past all of them, headed straight for the Major’s office.

“He’s definitely quitting today” Monty, the Major’s son, whispered to a human agent from canada, Lyla, Perry was sure her name was. Lyla glanced at Perry, then back to Monty, and nodded.

Like the controlled, trained agent Perry is, he kept his composure enough to only kick the door to monogram’s office off the hinges, and not throw it at him like he really wanted to. Carl recognised that enraged look in his eyes, and quickly left the room.

“Ah. Agent P. What’re you doing here?” Monogram asked warily, knowing full well, but trying to stall some time. All he got in response was an angry chitter, monogram sighed “I didn’t want to do it either, but when it comes down to the safety of the agency, we can’t have a pair of villains running around with a death ray!”

The word ‘villain’ echoed in perry’s head, his agent mind getting drowned out by pure anger as everything went red and Perry activated the chitter-to-speech translator built into his collar.

Monogram paled as he realised what he had just done.

And Perry snapped. 

  
  


Half an hour later,

Perry had left the door open, so everyone in view of the office, which would be half the agency as all of them wanted to hear this, could see and hear perry’s furious rant.

They collectively gasped as he grabbed his fedora and threw it down on the floor angrily “I’ve had enough of this agency, and i’ve had enough of _YOU”_ Perry yelled “I QUIT.”

Monogram, pale in the face and speechless, spluttered “you- you can’t do that!”, Perry slammed a fist on the flipped office desk “ _well i just did.”_ he snarled, then turned on his heel and stormed out of the office, the agents parting like curtains to let Perry past without him hitting someone.

There was a dead silence as everyone watched their ex-best agent leave HQ for good, eventually, Monty spoke up

“Y’know,” he looks over to his father “you kinda had it coming.” he commented calmly, hands in his hoodie pockets. He shrunk into his hood as his father glared at him, who then took a breath and flipped his table to the right way up

“Carl, get to work on Agent P’s termination paperwork. I don’t think we’re getting him back.” Monogram told the 16-year-old unpaid intern, who peeked his head through the doorway “a-alright sir, i’ll get right to it”

Heinz knew something was wrong from the moment Perry stepped foot back in the apartment, still bleeding and scratched up. 

“Perry? What did you do?” he asked his pet nervously, Perry gave a momentary glare before taking a breath and relaxing a bit, he turned off his translator in his collar and wrote something on the spare notepad he keeps next to the couch, sitting down

**_I quit._ **

Heinz spluttered “wh- you _what?_ ”, he couldn’t believe it! Perry The Platypus, his nemesis since the day perry could fight, _quit_ his job at OWCA?

Perry tapped the same note in reiteration, then added another sentence

**_I quit._ **

**_Monogram tried to hurt my brothers, and i just can’t tolerate that. I was going to leave next summer anyway, he doesn’t even treat his agents with basic respect._ ** ****

“Well- yeah i get that, i’d quit too if my boss tried to, y’know, kill my children and all” Heinz had calmed down from his internal rage at both OWCA and himself from almost an hour earlier, “but what are you going to do now? Being an agent was Your Thing, and who’s going to be my nemesis?” He asked, and Perry had no answer, except a helpless shrug

**_I’ll think about it. I need more time with the kids and you anyway, it’ll be good not to have work for a few weeks._ **

“Great idea! Maybe you can help out with their _inventions_ ! Oh and I know Phineas has been wanting to show you his and Ferb’s _creations_ . Their getting very talented!” he gasped “ _Maybe_ take them to that Googleplex _Mall_ and take them _shopping_ , you need a new _collar_ anyways” He suggested, and Perry thought about it for a minute, then smiled a bit and nodded

“Brilliant!” he pulls a blank calender from behind the couch, how did perry not spot that? “Here, i’ve been working on an _Inator_ that works similarly to a _time machine_ , it runs mostly on _calendars_ so i went out when you were working and bought a bunch of them, i hope you don’t _mind.”_ Heinz rambled, Perry smiled and took the calender, using his pen to plan some events him and the kids could do, he was really looking forward to this.

Leaving OWCA was the best thing Perry ever could’ve done.


	8. Careers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry the platypus had been unemployed for three weeks now, jumping between hanging out with the girls, and helping Phineas and Ferb make inventions. 
> 
> However, one sunny day, Phineas gets a brilliant idea for Perry's future career.
> 
> And Perry is more than willing to try it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> Just in case, a TW for brief mention of animal injury.

15th August, 2006. 11am.

“I got it!” Phineas exclaimed, jerking his head up to look at Perry mid-way through building his and ferb’s daily invention. Perry tilted his head and gave a confused chitter “I know what job you can do!” The boy explained, Perry raised his eyebrows in curiosity

“You can work with dad!” Phineas nearly threw up his arms, but Ferb stopped him and pointed to the wrench in the boy’s hand, which had nearly hit the green-haired boy in the face “Oh, sorry Ferb”

Perry mulled over Phineas’ words, working with Heinz actually sounds pretty good, in his opinion. But what will the agents think? Will they really want to fight an ex-colleague? OWCA’s former best agent, no less?

He realised that if he’s going to be evil, it won’t matter if the agents disapprove, they’d be the enemy. Perry smiled, thinking about working side by side with Heinz, his best friend, and possibly his brothers if they ever get an interest in evil.

Perry paused at the latter, maybe Phineas and Ferb getting into evil isn’t such a good idea, their smart, but sometimes too smart for their own good.

“So, what do you think?” Phineas asked, jolting Perry from his train of thoughts, the former agent nodded and passed a note to him 

**_I’ll try it out. Thanks, Phin._ **

15th August 2006. 2pm.

After Perry helped the boys build their daily invention, he found Heinz on the balcony, looking at the city. 

A chitter made Heinz turn his head to look at the platypus “Ah! Perry, how are the boys?” he asked, leaning against the balcony railing, Perry lifted himself up onto it to sit beside the evil scientist. He grabbed the notepad from Heinz’ labcoat pocket, and found a fresh page to write his thoughts onto.

**_Heinz, i want to join you._ **

It hardly conveyed his emotion, but it got the message across well enough. Heinz stared at the note for a moment, surprised, before looking up at Perry.   
“You...you want to  _ join me? _ ” he asked, almost lost for words. Perry nodded and jotted down a second sentence

**_Heinz, i want to join you._ **

**_Yes, in evil. I want to be your assistant. It’s a risky move, but if OWCA wants to stop us, they’ll have to send an agent out, and they’ll have to go through the both of us._ **

_ Now _ Heinz was lost for words, automatically handing the note back, which Perry wrote on again, this time at the very bottom of it. 

**_I trust you._ **

Heinz smiled softly and hugged Perry, his soft smile growing into a cheerful grin, and he started giggling “Of course you can join me! Oh we’re going to be the best villain duo  _ ever!” _

Perry chittered happily and relaxed in his owner’s arms, the stress of thinking about work finally gone. 

“Hm, we should build your inator today! We can use it tomorrow for our scheme! You got any ideas?” Heinz explained, putting Perry back on the railing

It took Perry a minute to think, but he eventually snapped his fingers and nodded

**_Heinz, i know what we’re gonna do today._ **

August 15th 2006, 9pm.

Perry put down the blueprints and stretched, making an exhausted chittering noise. He and Heinz had been working on this Inator for 7 entire hours, only stopping for dinner and water breaks.

“Well,” Heinz got up and stretched, “i think we’re about done for the night, what about you? You  _ are _ the mastermind behind this baby!” Heinz patted the -Inator, which clanged loudly, making both men wince.

Perry nodded and started putting the tools back in their proper places, being particularly careful as there were screws and bolts on the floor. He had already cut up his feet on the glass shards 4 weeks ago during the Dennis incident, and he doesn't fancy cutting himself on a nail or any other small metallic object.

“I’ll put the kids to sleep, it’s getting close to their bedtime and i know they have a big invention planned for tomorrow. Something about teaching monkey’s how to juggle? I’m not sure.” Heinz mused, hanging his labcoat on the wall and ruffling Perry’s head fur before disappearing downstairs to the apartment.

Perry smiled to himself as he cleaned up, looking proudly at his first ever Inator, which came out far better than he expected it to. He half-expected it to blow up before it could even be used, but so far it was in pretty good shape.

However, Perry wasn’t sure he could do 7 hour builds again. He’ll leave that part to Heinz, he’s always been better at writing anyway.

Which reminded him of a project he meant to work on a while ago. He jotted it down in his notepad and completely forgot about it until now. He’ll work on it tomorrow, for now, he’s too tired to care, thinking more about climbing into bed and ignoring the world for atleast 8 hours. He swears, if he gets woken up before 9am one more time, he’s putting a padlock on his door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we'll meet their new nemesis. Who do you think it will be?


	9. Don't Leave Me Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor Mystery, nemesis of Peter The Panda, must race against the clock to stop his nemesis from leaving him for good. With the help of another agent, he may be able to do it, but time's running out. 
> 
> Here is the story of Mystery and Mariah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> This chapter, and i think one or two chapters after this will be Mystery and Peter's story. You'll see why eventually.  
> I actually had to split this chapter into two because it was getting long, like 2.9k long.
> 
> TW for mention of smoking and a previous smoking addiction.

September 5th, 2006, 10:30am

Mystery jolted awake and looked around, shocked to see that he wasn’t in his warehouse- or his bedroom- at all. In fact, he was in an OWCA agent’s lair. He tried to move, but found he was completely trapped, tied to a chair infront of a big, rather impressive monitor.  
Mystery stayed quiet, not wanting to give his consciousness away to any agent that may be lurking around the lair.

However, his silence didn’t last long as he looked to the left and saw a familiar panda sitting on the desk, one leg over the other and both hands on the table. Mystery yelled some less than nice words and struggled in the rope trap.

“Peter! You scared me! What are you doing?? Why am i trapped here?” He asked, his confusion changing to anger as he realised Peter must’ve kidnapped him while he was asleep. 

Peter didn’t respond, as usual, and just shrugged before pushing himself off the desk and onto the floor. For a panda, he was extremely small, standing at only 2 feet and 1 inch, according to his agent file.

The Agent shoved a note infront of Mystery, keeping the same blank expression that the villain was oh-so used to.

**_Sorry, M. I needed you to be here for a reason._ **

Mystery scowled “Then spit it out, panda!” he demanded, Peter rolled his eyes and wrote a second note. Why he didn’t just add on to the last sentence is beyond Mystery.

**_I’m being relocated and reassigned._ **

“ _What!?”_ The man exclaimed in fury, how _dare_ they reassign Peter! Peter’s _his_ nemesis and _his_ alone! “What do they think their doing!? Why are you getting reassigned?” he asked, fiery rage in his eyes.

Peter took a cautious step back and signed “(calm down)”, one of the only pieces of sign Mystery knows. “NO! I won’t ‘calm down’! Why are they relocating you!? Who are you being reassigned to and where!? When i get my hands on whoever’s stealing my nemesis-” his angry rampage is stopped by cold water being sprayed at his face, making Mystery jump and hiss, leaning away from the spray bottle Peter grabbed off the table.

“What was that for!?” He exclaimed, Peter set the bottle down and pushed another note towards his nemsis.

**_An agent quit, nobody to fill his position nearby, so i’m getting assigned to his villain instead. Relocation is in Danville. Unfortunately, my host family isn’t moving there, so i’ll have to find new owners._ **

Mystery felt his stomach drop as he took in the reality of the situation, he felt himself pale. “So...your leaving? Forever?” he asked, voice quiet and shaky. Peter looked guilty, but nodded, and Mystery shook his head

“No….you can’t. You can’t leave me here by myself, Peter.” The man begged “Can’t you do anything to stay?” 

**_If i could, i would. I don’t want to lose you or my family either. But i have to. I’m Sorry, M._ **

Peter hesitated for a moment, then gave him a new note

**_I’m leaving at 3pm, Seattle Airport. I hope your next nemsiship works well for you._ **

“But….Peter, i..” Mystery’s voice faltered and he fell quiet, Peter tilted his hat to the scientist and walked into a side room to the lair, dropping the note as he left. Mystery teared up, unable to handle the thought of losing his nemesis, the one person who stuck around. The one person who ever cared.

And now, Mystery was going to lose him. Like everyone else in his life.

It took a while, but eventually Peter packed up his lair, leaving his ex-nemesis tied up on the chair, a few agents Mystery recognised helped Peter move the boxes, but none of them paid much attention to the masked man whatsoever.

By 12:40, Mystery was teary-eyed, exhausted, and alone. Peter had shut off all the lights once he left, seemingly forgetting about the man he once called his nemesis. Mystery figured Peter thought he could get out of the trap by himself, but he couldn’t. 

He had tried again and again to get the ropes off, but to no avail. It wasn’t until he heard the footsteps of a small creature did he finally look up and over at the noise.

It was an agent, an ocelot-looking cat with a black banded fedora. “Why are you here? Are you going to throw me in jail now? You took your time.” Mystery commented, trying to keep his voice steady, but the stinging redness in his eyes gave his true emotions away.

The cat shook their (her?) head and showed him an OWCA card 

**_Mariah The Margay, “Agent M”_ **

She then wrote a note, aware of Mystery’s lack of asl knowledge

**_I’m here to set you free. Peter forgot you were here, i’m sorry you had to sit here for so long. I can take you home, if you want._ **

Mystery looked at the note, then at the cat’s face. He sighed “thank you, miss. I-” he took a breath as his voice got emotional “i really didn’t think peter would just...forget about me like that. I’ve been his nemesis for 5 years, for god’s sake. Don’t i mean anything to him?”

Mariah looked at him sympathetically and cut the ropes off of him and the chair.

**_I think you do. He’s talked about you a lot, you know._ **

“Really?” the man asked, the girl nodded 

**_All the time. He likes the way you work, although he wants to hear more backstory from you. Whenever your sick, he worries so much. He really cares about you, M. And you really care about him, don’t you?_ **

Mystery took this new information in, Peter _worries_ about him? He _wants_ to hear about his nemesis’ traumatic backstory? “Of course i do.” the words fell out before he could think “He’s my best friend.”

Mariah smiles softly and finally cuts the rope off Mystery’s hands and feet, setting him completely free.

**_I knew you did. Follow your heart._ **

“What do you mean?” He asked, rubbing his rope-burned wrists and standing up shakily, he didn’t notice how hungry he was.

**_Do what your heart tells you to do. If you want to keep Peter, you can’t just sit around and mope. You have to follow your heart._ **

“But….how am i supposed to do that? He’s probably already gone, and i don’t know how to find him!” Mystery exclaimed, appreciating her effort, but knowing it’s probably hopeless.

Mariah walked over to the note Peter had dropped, and hands it to the taller man

“3pm, Seattle Airport?” Mystery mumbled as he read the note, he quickly checked the time on his phone, 1:12pm, he still had time. He smiled down at Mariah “Can you drive me to Seattle Airport?”

The agent nodded and lead Mystery to a small launch pad inside the lair, where a hovercar sat. “i dont think-” Mystery began, only to be cut off by the hovercar turning into a perfectly normal looking camouflage patterned jeep. “Huh. I stand corrected.” he said, a bit stunned at the transformation. He tries to get into the driver’s seat, but Mariah blocks his way and gestures to the passenger side.

“No Offense, agent, but i dont think you can drive a jeep. The pedals are sorta too tall for you.” Mystery explained carefully, but Mariah rolled her eyes and gestured to the built-in modifications to the driver’s side, including wooden beams for the pedals.

“And again, standing corrected.”

Mariah wrote a note and shoves it in Mystery’s face. Spluttering, Mystery pulls the note to reading level and looks it over, chuckling

**_You should be sitting corrected, then. Passenger’s side._ **

“Oh fine, but don’t come crying to me if we crash.” Mystery commented sarcastically, getting into the other side of the jeep and putting his seatbelt on, keeping his head down and staring at his hands as the agent started up the car, which seemed to have activated the launch pad’s rising function, sending them slowly circling to ground level, where she sped onto the roads.

“ _Woah!”_ Mystery exclaimed, scrambling to hold onto something “Slow down!” he gasped, shutting his eyes tight and desperately trying to block out the memories of his past. He felt the car slow down almost immediately, and Mariah gave him a concerned glance, signing a “(Sorry)” before continuing on the smooth road.

Mystery tried to distract himself with some mindless games on his phone, getting rather mad at flappy bird, still unable to beat his all-time highscore of 20. He heard Mariah chuckle every now and then, but he still didn’t look up, knowing he won’t react well to seeing the road ahead. 

“How much longer?” He complained after several minutes, Mariah shook her head and held up 5 fingers, then 2. “10?” he asked, and she nodded. He sighed and relaxed more in his seat, fidgeting with his fingers until he decided to just take his gloves off.

There was a long pause until Mystery finally spoke “hey, Mariah? I just…” he sighed “i wanted to thank you. For helping me with this. You really didnt have to, but you did anyway. Your a… a really nice person, y’know?” he looked over at her and gave a soft smile.

Mariah pressed some buttons on the jeep’s modified touchscreen, and a microphone raised out of a cup holder. She meowed into it

“Thank you, Mystery. Your nice too.” the microphone echoed, making Mystery jump a bit. Huh, an animal translator, thats not something you see every day.

He smiled more and checked the time; 1:26pm. He sighed in relief, they still had plenty of time to talk to Peter.

And, as Mariah had said, 10 minutes later they pulled up to the airport.

“Again, thank you, Mariah.” Mystery told her as he stepped out of the car and into the parking lot, and was surprised when the cat joined him outside of the vehicle 

“But your j-” he was cut off, Mariah grabbed his sleeve and shook her head, passing him a note

**_I can tell your starving, i am too. I’m gonna be there to back you up when you talk to Peter, ok?_ **

Mystery glanced between the note and the feline, then nodded “Alright, thank you, agent.” he lead the furry agent into the airport, and immediately looked around for food. He didn’t realise quite how dizzy with hunger he was until Mariah forced him to sit against a wall for a few minutes.

“Sorry, M.” he mumbled, ignoring the slight shake in his hands as he put one against his head to stop the headache caused by his surroundings and condition.

Mariah shook her head and walked away for a few minutes, returning with some food and drink for the both of them. He quickly started eating his burger, uncaring about what was on it. The duo sat in silence for a couple more minutes until they finished their meals.

“Do you think Peter’s taking a public plane, or a private one?” Mystery asked, putting his headphones in to try block out the noise of the airport.

Mariah wrote her thoughts down and nudged the note over to him, checking her phone which she apparently had kept in her fedora the whole time.

**_Private, definitely. Peter hates public transport. Once his owners took him on a train, he nearly bit someone._ **

Mystery chuckled “I don’t blame him, i hate trains too. Although, i haven’t been on one in a long time. Kinda glad i haven’t, honestly.” he paused and re-read the note, confusion crossing his face “I’m fairly sure this isn’t even how airports work.”

Mariah snickered and nudged him lightly in the ribs, then showed him her phone; 1:47pm

**_We still have time, if you need to step outside. Your still shaking._ **

“Oh..” Mystery glanced down at his hands and fidgeted with them as he spoke “Yeah...i think i should. Come and get me if i’m not back in...hm, 20 minutes.” He decides, and gets up, walking outside to take a break and mull things over.

As soon as he stepped outside, he found a smoking area and paced back and forth, pulling out the pack of cigarettes in his trench coat pocket.

He struggled with an internal back and forth for a while before he forced himself to put the pack away and leave the smoking area. He’d been clean for years, and he really didn’t want to go back to that addiction.

What is he supposed to say to Peter when he _does_ find him? Beg him to stay? Threaten him into staying? No, no. That would be too evil, even for him.

And yet, the thoughts ran through Mystery’s head over and over, but he had no idea what to say to the fuzzy grumpy agent he’s known for 4 years now. He really thought he knew Peter better than this, that he knew _himself_ better than this.

This is Pathetic. He’s standing outside of an airport waiting to beg his possibly-ex nemesis into staying with him so he isn’t lonely. 

What kind of villain is he? Certainly not a good one, if OWCA was so willing to just move Peter out of the _state_ like that. It’s not like the other agents want him, either. Peter was the only one willing to be assigned to Mystery, and even then he never seemed to care about the schemes.

Mystery sighed and looked up theatrically at the clouds, as if rain was going to start pouring down at this exact moment.

Except, it does. Which just soaks Mystery completely and makes him regret his decisions even more. Sure, he liked living in Seattle, but god if the rain isn’t tiring sometimes.

Some days he just misses the cold, white snow of Greenland, the endless mountains around his childhood home, and the fun adventures he used to have. But all that is behind him now, he had moved back to Seattle at 18, as soon as he graduated. 

And now, at 44, he was starting to question why he ever came back in the first place.

However, his train of thoughts was pulled to a screeching halt as someone grabbed his sleeve, he jolted and looked over at who grabbed him, then looked down a bit to meet Mariah’s eyes.

She tugged on his sleeve and gestured to the airport doors, wow, had it really been 20 minutes already? Cam was right, he _was_ losing his grip on time. 

He followed the cat into the airport and glanced at the time, 2:23pm. It hadn’t been 20 minutes, it had been _35_ minutes. Mystery shivered, no wonder he was so cold. 

“Sorry, M. I lost track of time.” He apologised to the agent, who shook her head and sat him down against a wall again, pushing a note over to him.

**_Not your fault. You looked pretty concerned. I let you have the extra 15 minutes, I knew you’d need it._ **

Mystery nods gratefully and pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to get warmer while the two of them waited the next 37 minutes for the plane. 

Mariah hopped into his arms on all fours and curled up there, mostly warm from staying inside. As Mystery pulled her closer and slowly started to fall asleep, he realised he should probably talk to Peter _before_ the plane leaves.

This is gonna go badly.

  
  


Mystery jolted awake to Mariah frantically shaking him, he shook his head and staggered to his feet “what? What happened?” he asked, already on high alert, Mariah frantically pointed at the planes, where Mystery could see a panda-patterned jet start to take off.

He muttered spanish under his breath as he frantically looked between the clock and the plane, it was leaving 10 minutes early. In a frantic, stupid decision, he grabbed Mariah and booked it for the tsa, running right past them and through the open gates of Peter’s plane boarding.

He ignored the yelling of security behind him as he ran onto the runway and pulled his foldable grappling hook out of his trench coat pocket, aiming as best he can one-handed for the plane, surprisingly, the hook nearly catches the wing, but misses by inches and falls to the ground.

Mariah yowled as she looked over Mystery’s shoulder, he turned around and saw the staff after him. He grabbed the grappling hook, stuffed it back into his pocket, and jumped out of the way as the security try to grab him. He dodges and ducks until he can run back inside the airport, jump security again, and dash out the front entrance. 

Thankfully, their jeep was fairly obvious, and he dropped Mariah as he ran up to it “Okay, now make this thing fly!” he demanded, she nodded and quickly pulled a remote from her hat, the jeep turned into a bigger hovercar than last time, atleast big enough to fit him in it comfortably. 

Although, comfort wasn’t his first thought as he scrambled inside the vehicle, which was floating a few feet in the air, and jolted as one of the persistent security guards grabbed the back of his trench coat, trying to pull him back onto the floor. He twisted his body enough to kick the man in the face and make him let go, pulling himself into the passenger’s seat and slamming the door shut before anyone else could grab him. 

“Now, get moving!” He yelled, feeling the adrenaline in his veins. The hovercar quickly lifted up into the air and sped forward, whizzing past the airport and over the runways

“Follow that plane!” he commanded, pointing in the direction the plane went off in, which was just barely visible in the rain ahead.


	10. Met You Halfway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touching down at OWCA runway, Mystery knew he only had one chance to get Peter back for good.   
> Teamed up with Agent M, the two must sneak into OWCA's headquarters to talk to Peter and convince him to come back home, but it goes far differently than they had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to Woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for encouraging me to write this fic!
> 
> I swear there's only one or two more Mystery and Peter POV-ed chapters until we get back to the doofenshmirtz'.
> 
> TW for a brief "we're as good as dead" comment

September 5th, 2006. 6:17pm.

“Y’know, as someone born and mostly raised in Seattle, i’ve never been quite so happy to see sunny skies and actually feel warmth for once.” Mystery remarked as the plane finally touched down at the OWCA Runway, which is not something Mystery thought OWCA had. They hardly had the finances to pay their agents decently, from what he’s heard.

Mariah chuckled and carefully landed out of sight of the plane behind some big crates, helping Mystery out of the hovercar and carefully monitoring the plane. The plane’s staircase unfolded from its hidden compartment, and Peter stepped out, making his way down the stairs with his suitcase as a group of agents walked up to the plane and saluted the panda, who saluted back and stepped to the side to allow them to enter the aircraft.

Mystery presumed it was to unload all of Peter’s stuff, whatever he had.

“Ah, Agent P.” Monogram’s voice rang loud and clear on the runway, and Peter automatically turned and saluted the man. Mystery was fairly sure that was Major Monogram, at least. He  _ did _ have MM poorly-stitched onto his uniform jacket.

“Thank you for coming here on such short notice, it’s been weeks since Agent P quit, and Doofenshmirtz needs a permanent nemesis.” Monogram began, leading the agent to what looks to be OWCA headquarters, located in Danville with a not-so-subtle sign. 

“C’mon, we have to follow them.” Mystery whispered to Mariah, “but how do we do that? There’s probably agents everywhere.” he worried, but Mariah had a deep in thought look on her face. She glanced at one of the boxes being carried off the plane and placed next to the airsteps, and she perked up with an idea. Mystery followed her gaze and caught on fast “Do you really think that will work? Humans are far heavier than cats, you know.” Mystery asked, keeping his eyes on the agents going to and from the plane.

Mariah scribbled down a note and handed it to Mystery, not even looking at him 

**_It’s our best shot._ **

He glanced back at Mariah before sighing and nodding “Your right.” He admitted “We need to be  _ fast _ .” He noticed how the agents left a particular agent to watch the boxes, a rabbit Mystery only vaguely knew the name of. The rabbit circled around the boxes, then turned his back to a particularly big one to look up the airstairs. 

Mystery perked up “I got it. When that agent turns his back, we make a run for it and hide in that big box over there.” He explained to the cat, she mulled over the idea, and nodded.

So, when the rabbit circled the boxes and turned his back, the duo rushed over to the big box as fast as they could without making noise, but the rabbit started to turn back around, and Mariah yanked Mystery to the ground, forcing him to hide behind it.

Both of them held their breath as the agent circled the boxes, thankfully not checking the other side of the big box, and once again turned his back. 

Mystery pulled a pocket knife out of his pocket and cut the box open, letting Mariah get in first, and following her lead. In a stroke of luck, the box was big enough to fit both of them, and was full of packing peanuts. 

There wasn’t even anything  _ in _ this box, Mystery questioned internally why Peter had even brought it in the first place, but he diverted his attention to the now-open box. He pulled an -inator from his pocket, which wasn’t even an inator, it was just a modified tape roller, and taped the box shut before the rabbit could turn around. It was very dark in the box, and the texture of the packing peanuts was awful, but he couldn’t worry about that now. He had to focus on keeping quiet and not drawing attention to the box. He felt Mariah brushed up against him, holding her breath.

There was muffled talking near the box that Mystery tried his best to listen to, “That’s everything, sir.” a young voice told someone, Mystery presumed it was monogram the boy was speaking to, as an older voice answered back “good, now put all of it in Peter’s private office for now, we can move it to his new lair tomorrow morning.” 

Private office? Mystery wasn’t aware agents had  _ private _ offices, he’s only ever heard of agent cubicles and agent lairs. Although, Peter was now best in the agency, if the ‘Agent P’ Monogram mentioned was who Mystery thought it was.

Someone tried to push the box, to no avail. “Sir, i can’t lift this one.” The boy complained “Agent R, can you carry this for me?” he asked someone else, Mystery doubted it was the rabbit, and was proven correct when the box was easily picked up by  _ something _ strong.

Mariah handed a note over, which Mystery could just about read in the dark 

**_Agent Rhino. We’re as good as dead if he sticks around after putting this box down._ **

Mystery gulped fearfully, knowing that Mariah was telling the complete truth. He held his breath even more as the box was carried through headquarters and to Peter’s private office “Why does a panda need so much stuff?” Mystery heard a human agent complain, he sounded about teenaged, although Mystery never really trusted his age presumptions. 

The box shook as Agent R put the box down and lumbered away, but both of them waited several minutes to make sure nobody was around. They finally cut the box open when they heard the door shut and lock.

Mystery clambered out of it awkwardly and gasped for air, not realising how long he had been holding his breath. “Oh thank god.” he panted, getting up from the floor and brushing packing peanuts off his clothing. Mariah hopped out of the box and did the same with her fur, which Mystery helped her out with a bit.

After they were finally rid of those horrid things, Mystery looked around and echoed the same question “Why  _ does _ a panda need so much stuff?” which got him an elbow to the leg as Mariah glared at him and made a gesture to keep his voice down.

He moved down to a whisper “Right, sorry.” he creeped around the room and spotted a pair of photo frames on the office desk, his curiosity got the better of him and he took a look at them.

One was of a family of humans, one of the teenaged children holding a panda in their arms, who was smiling at the camera. Mystery realised it was Peter’s old family, and sympathy washed over him.

But, the second picture was of Him and Peter last christmas, when he got Peter that rainbow scarf he’d loved so much.

Mystery felt cold looking at the picture, and made himself look away from it. Mariah held his hand and lightly pulled him away from the desk. “Sorry it’s just…” he trailed off, not knowing how to explain it in this situation, he shook his head “It’s nothing. We should focus on getting out of here and finding Peter. If he finds us in his office he’ll never forgive us.” he explained, kneeling down at the door to look at the lock, Mystery could get through this easily.

Mariah, somehow, pulled an entire lockpicking kit from her fedora and handed it to the confused Mystery.

He tried not to question it, focusing more on the lockpicking itself than the cartoonish amount of space inside those owca hats. Listening carefully, he managed to pick the lock with ease and hand the kit back to Mariah, who stuffed it back in her hat.

“Alright, now we have to be very sneaky and very quiet. We’ve gotten this far, we can’t afford to get caught now.” He whispered, slowly opening the door and peering into the hallway, checking left and right for agents, then checking for cameras. Thankfully, there’s none down this hallway, so Mystery cautiously leads Mariah into the hall and down one side of it.

However, the entire headquarters seemed to be completely and utterly empty. Mystery didn’t see this as a good thing, if anything it just put him more on edge. It wasn’t until they turned a corner to see a room full of agents did they realise what was going on.

“Mariah.” Mystery said “How easily can you infiltrate an owca party?”

September 5th 2006, 6:48pm

Peter sat by the punch bowl and watched the party unfold, agents dancing together, drinking punch, playing, and generally having a great time. He was worried he wouldn’t be welcomed into the Danville division of OWCA, but they had thrown a whole party for his arrival, which was more than a nice surprise. He was tired from the busy day, but was enjoying this celebration of their new top agent; Him.

“Hey, Peter!” a familiar voice called out, Peter turned his head to see a seattle agent, Mariah The Margay, an agent Peter was very close to. He nodded to the agent and gave a silent wave, she was speaking in animal tongue, something many humans can’t understand. However, Peter can’t speak at all, so he’s used to writing notes and using sign for everyone he meets.

**_Hello, M. What are you doing here? Your supposed to be in Seattle_ **

She giggled at the note and rolled her eyes fondly “I wanted to surprise you, silly! I figured you would be a bit homesick already, so i wanted to bring you this!” She pulled a snow globe from her hat. Although, it wasn’t so much a snow globe as it was a rain globe, fake rain was pouring, with a carefully made replica of Seattle and the Space Needle inside of it.

He chuckled and wrote a new note, too tired to sign and fully aware his writing wasn’t the best today.

**_Thank you, it means a lot._ **

It didn’t convey all of his emotion, but it got the point across well enough, he put the globe in his hat and gave her a thumbs up. Mariah smiled and opened her arms for a hug, which Peter accepted. When they pulled away, Mariah held him by the shoulders at arms length “I remember the day you started training, you were so tiny!” she giggled, making Peter blush under his fur, he jokingly pushed her away and hid his face with his hat “Aw come on, i’m just messing with you!” she put an arm around his shoulders, and perked up when a song Peter especially liked started playing, an upbeat dance song his host family used to dance to on family nights.

He pushed away the heartache as Mariah smiled at him “Well, mr top agent? May i have this dance?” she stepped in front of him and bowed jokingly, he returned the bow and took her hand, getting dragged into the crowd of agents. They cheered and made a circle around the two as they danced, quite dorkily in his opinion, to the music.

“Heh, lovebirds.” One of the agents commented, to which a dog agent elbowed them in the ribs, making Peter and Mariah both snicker.

After the song ended, they stepped out of the dance circle and went back over to the punch, “So, who’s your new nemesis?” Mariah asked, getting her own cup

**_Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry’s ex-nemesis. Apparently he’s ‘eccentric’, so he’s probably gonna be fun._ **

“Fun, eh? More fun than your last nemesis?” Mariah questioned, pulling herself onto the table with Peter to sit and drink, Peter shrugged

**_Maybe, Mystery always had a sense of rebellion to him, you know? It’s hard to explain, but mystery is his allure, after all. I don’t even know what he looks like. So, comparing him to Heinz is like comparing pandas to cats._ **

Mariah chuckled “Yeah, i get that. You like a case to solve, a puzzle of sorts, instead of an open book, right?” she asked, Peter was taken a bit by surprise, that's exactly how he felt. He nodded, leaning against her slightly as he watched the party continue.

The two sat in silence for a while until Peter yawned and rubbed his eyes “Yeah, you look exhausted. You should go sleep, I think there’s some living quarters down on the right side.” Mariah suggested, helping Peter to the floor. He nodded and gave a tired thumbs up, signing a “(thanks)” as he walked out.

As he closed the door, the playing song faded out, and the intro to Rick Astely’s Never Gonna Give You Up played loudly from the speakers, Peter smirked and laughed to himself, covering his mouth with a paw.

“Agent P.” A voice said from the right of Peter, he spun around to face Major Monogram “I wanted to give you a heads up for when you fight Heinz. The reason we chose you in particular is because you’re the best agent we have now. Agent-” he sighed “Perry joined Heinz in evil a few weeks ago. Their threat level has increased from green to yellow. So, when you fight them, be careful. You’ll have to fight two targets at once, it won’t be easy.” Monogram informed him.

Perry did  _ what?  _ How could betray OWCA like that!? Well then, this is gonna make his job far, far harder. He sighed, and Monogram continued “I know, it’s not ideal, but nobody else is willing to fight them both. If we can find you a partner to work with, we’ll tell you, but for now you’ll have to manage on your own.” 

Peter nodded and gave a salute to his new boss, who saluted back and walked into the party room, immediately turning around and giving Peter an unimpressed look as he got rickrolled.

Peter snickered and found his way to the living quarters for agents without host families. He really hoped his next one would be nice to him, he was already missing home. Although, he thought to himself, he supposed this  _ is  _ his home now, at least temporarily.

Thankfully, he found a room all to himself, mostly so he didn’t have to bunk with anyone, he was very specific about his sleeping area. The practically empty room felt like what Peter imagined college dorm rooms to be like, judging by what his previous host family had said about them.

All of his things were in his office waiting to be moved, so he didn’t have much to put in the room aside from his hat, which he pulled a rainbow scarf out of and hung both on the coat hanger beside the door. His ex-nemesis had got him that last Christmas, Peter was still very happy about getting it. 

He turned his back to the door to smoothen out the sheets of his bed, not really intending to sleep right now anyway. He was tired, yes, but he was used to pulling all-nighters.

But, just as he finished sorting out the room, he heard the door open behind him, and he spun around. And when he did, he saw none other than Professor Mystery, his ex-nemesis.

What was  _ he _ doing here?

September 5th 2006, 7pm

“Hey….Peter.” Mystery greeted awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, wincing when Peter’s expression changed from shock to angry disbelief, with a hint of something else Mystery couldn’t read “I know you kinda...left me tied up in your lair, and all that, but I…” he sighed, knowing he had no idea of what to say.

Peter angrily wrote a note and shoved it at Mystery harshly

**_I did that for a reason!_ ** ~~**_I wanted you to_ ** ~~ **_You’re not supposed to be here!_ **

Mystery looked down at the note, one side of his brain wondering what the crossed out sentence was meant to say, the other side knowing he was right. He  _ wasn’t _ supposed to be here.

“Look, Peter, I really want to stay with you, as nemesis, as friends.” He explained, trying not to sound too desperate- “I need you, Peter.” -which he just failed at trying.

**_~~I ne~~ T_ ** **_oo bad, i have a new nemesis and soon i’ll have a new host family. Let it go, M. Just go home and be happy with the next agent you get._ **

Mystery teared up and threw the note to the side “But i can’t!” He exclaimed, hurt “You know i’ve tried! But your the only agent who’s ever cared about me!” he raised his voice, getting emotional.

Guilt, Sadness, and Grief filled Peter’s eyes and expression as he shakily wrote a new note, his handwriting worse

**_I know that! I don’t want to leave either, but i have NO choice. I’m only telling you to leave because i don’t want you to get hurt!_ **

Tears ran down Mystery’s cheeks under his mask when he read the note, his anger evaporating instantly, but only having a few seconds to take it in before a second note was handed to him

**_I left you that note because a tiny part of me hoped you would follow. But now i don’t know if i should’ve done that._ **

“Peter i…” Mystery let the tears fall, shaking badly. He took a breath and calmed enough to speak with a clear voice “A long time ago, you told me ‘sometimes if you care about someone, you have to meet them halfway’” He pulled the note out of his pocket, having been carrying it since the day Peter gave it to him “And i’ve met you halfway now, so will you do the same?” he asked tearfully

Peter’s expression softened into comprehension, then realisation, and he put his head down. The next note felt like hours to see him write, but he eventually handed it over

**_Yes, yes i will._ **

Peter took Mystery’s hand and smiled, bonking his forehead against it as Mystery read the bottom of the note

**_Friends?_ **

Mystery smiled and kneeled down to hug the teary-eyed agent “ _ Best _ friends.” 

The two of them sat in silence for a long while until Peter pulled away and yawned, making Mystery chuckle “Well, that was a day and a half. We should sleep, I'm exhausted.” Peter nodded in agreement, looking over at the human-sized bed, and back to Mystery. “Of course i’ll stay, Peter.” he said as he picked up the agent and laid down on the bed, uncaring that he’s fully clothed, “we can talk about everythin’ else in th’ mornin’” Mystery mumbled as he fell into sleep.


End file.
